Saturday 31 December 2011

This year, the greatest bands in the world ever aren't...

Dammit.

It's happened again.

Just like last year, twelve months have gone by and yet I have only 48 posts (including this one) to show for it. Which, for a blog that is by definition supposed to be updated weekly, just ain't right. I've lost nearly a month.

Again.

Last year I attempted to make up for the shortfall with a half-arsed best-of-the-year round up, but I don't really want to do that again. Partly because it's a bit too predictable, mainly because I don't want to have to trawl back through the last year(ish) of posts. It's bad enough writing this crap, I don't want to have to read it too.

So instead, I'm going to present five tracks by bands that will never be the greatest band in any world, any week ever. Because they're rubbish.

But these songs are awesome.

I'm not even going to attempt to justify my choices here.

Wiley - Wearing my Rolex

Jan Hammer - Theme to Miami Vice

Mason vs. Princess Superstar - Perfect (Exceeder)

Ameri - 1 Thing

Dead or Alive - You Spin Me Round

Monday 19 December 2011

Amplifier

Saw them live last week, and now can't get enough of their space-prog riff domination.

The thing about the word "prog" is that it rather conjures up images of hour long flute epics based around hobbits, or something. And that's really not what Mancunian three piece Amplifier are all about.

However, their most recent release is a two hour epic cosmic guitar epic based around a space-faring, dark matter trading cephalopod, or something.

Which does sound kind of prog.

Consequently, it can be a bit difficult to explain to people just how damn good this band is. And all the other stock phrases - driving rhythms, wall of sound, sweeping epic guitars, soaring vocals - just make them sound a bit like the band U2 think they are.

And Amplifier aren't anywhere near that shit, I swear.




Sunday 11 December 2011

Napalm Death

I'll admit, there have been times when I have questioned why I need more than one Napalm Death record on my shelf. I mean, it's not like they all sound identical; but they do all achieve much the same thing. They reduce your skull to fucking ash. Which is nice.

But that's not the point. The point is, I saw these guys play last week and they were awesome. After a somewhat slightly stressful week at work, the brain flush effect of having every conscious thought eradicated by getting smashed about by like minded thugs whilst savage Brummie death grind comes blasting out of the speakers at around a bazillion dB was really just the ticket.

I don't care that it mostly all sounds the same. I don't care that, like the Sugababes, Napalm Death is band that contains none of its original founder members. I don't care that Napalm Death are, much like myself, old enough to know better.

Napalm Death rule.




Sunday 4 December 2011

Johnny Foreigner

The Pixie made the observation that this is exactly the kind of jangly guitar alt-pop that I hate.

She is of course quite correct. But my favourite band changes on a more-or-less weekly basis; I am nothing if not contrary.

My music periodical of choice has been championing these Brummie scamps for years; and when their latest record received a typically gushing review, and the song featured on the cover CD was typically outstanding and addictive and demanding of repeated spins, I found myself with no answer to the question "why haven't you bought any of this brilliant stuff yet, you miserable git?" And maybe it is simply a testament to the infectious quality of their too-much-sweets-and-sugary-drinks shambolic indie rock that even a cynical old wretch like me can't help smiling and joining in with all the doo-doo-doo-doo-dee-doo's.




Tuesday 22 November 2011

Slipknot

Yes, I know...

They are my guiltiest pleasure. Almost.

Here's the thing. To me, listening to Slipknot is a lot like wanking. It satisfies a very basic need; but it's not as good as the real thing, and you wouldn't want any of your mates to catch you doing it. You'll feel good for a bit... and then just ashamed.

Subsequently, the phrase "listening to Slipknot" has a whole different meaning in my house.

Go on... have a quick listen...




Thursday 17 November 2011

Mushi Mushi

Two weeks after I subjected my good friend the RoboJew to the bleak rage of Necro Deathmort, he remembered who they reminded him of; these guys.

Apart from a lot of sub-bass WOB, it's kind of hard to see why; but that doesn't matter, because Mushi Mushi are cool.

It's kind of electronica; but really only because the electronic element is so prominent. The rest of it is made up of proper drums, some girly wailing and a tasteful sprinkling of guitars. The end result is less oppressive than Necro Dethmort's crushing walls of bass sludge, but no less sinister. Fun, often frantic, but with weirdly malicious undertones.

Like a neon squirrel with a dark past.

The Dietary Habits of the Byker Pigeon - the dietary habits of the byker pigeon


Wikipedia: nope

Saturday 12 November 2011

Melvins

I've mentioned before that I dislike repeating myself here.

Hence the delay. I kind of hoped that something else would pop up and rock my entire world.

But in a week where I saw the Melvins play to a sold out Thekla, there was only going to be one greatest band in the world ever.


Monday 31 October 2011

Iron Monkey

I popped into my local second hand record shop the other day. I only went in to pick up an old Sonic Youth record I spotted the previous weekend, but figured that since I was there I might as well have a bit of a poke around...

A few hours later I left with the Sonic Youth record, plus nine others - one of which was the eponymous debut from these guys.

I now find myself wondering how the hell I managed for so long without such unutterable filth in my life. I knew of Iron Monkey by reputation; and much like the mighty Botch, I think I first heard of them when I read mournful articles about their dissolution.

They are now of course long defunct; and having only recently popped my Iron Monkey cherry, there's not a whole lot I can tell you about them. It's all very raw, very sludgy and very noisy; and the world is probably a far safer place without it.




Sunday 23 October 2011

††† (Crosses)

Free stuff is cool, but also - by definition - valueless. Well, sort of. In any case, the fact that I hadn't spent any money on it meant that I had no real sense of urgency in getting around to listening to this self-titled ep.

††† is a side project from Chino Moreno (Deftones), Shaun Lopez (Far) and some guy called Scott Chuck; and when I did eventually get around to sticking it in and pressing play, my first thought was that I was glad I hadn't spent any money on it. Not that it was particularly bad; it just sounded a bit like a more radio-friendly Team Sleep b-side. All production, not a lot of soul.

After the first track, though, things got a lot better; and by the end of the fifth and final track, I was reaching for the play button again.

I still can't get into the dreary plod of the first track (†his Is A †rick), but the rest of the ep is pretty damn great; great celestial waves of lush electronica with a malevolent undercurrent. It's like being smothered with a pillow by Depeche Mode, whilst Shaun Lopez and Chino Moreno jam out sinister ambient electronica in the background...

Similes were never really my strong suit. If you'd like to be smothered with a pillow by Depeche Mode, go to http://www.crossesmusic.com/ to download the ††† ep for free.




Myspace: nope

Sunday 16 October 2011

Enablers

Enablers have featured here before; and whilst I don't really like to repeat myself on this shitty blog, the fact is that I went to see them last night and was completely blown away. They were awesome.

I should probably write more words and things to qualify that statement and explain why I was completely blown away; but that would simply be an exercise in attempting to string words like passion, intensity and snake-hipped wild man together into some sort of coherent sentence.

And having just done exactly that, I feel that my work here is done.





Saturday 8 October 2011

The Icarus Line

I thought these guys had called it quits years ago; but then last month I read a review for a new record. After a bit more digging, I discovered that they hadn't gone anywhere - I'd just stopped paying attention. They even had a small line-up change and released a third record while I wasn't looking, the tricksy bastards.

I'm pleased to say that I am now, more or less, back up to speed with The Icarus Line - no doubt a prelude to a massive resurgence in my ignorance. In the meantime, I am happily reacquainting myself with their obnoxious brand of sleazy brat-punk.

I heartily recommend that you do the same.




Thursday 29 September 2011

At The Drive-In

This month, my music periodical of choice recognised ATD-I's third and final record Relationship of Command as the seminal post-hardcore masterpiece that it most certainly is. And I thought to myself, about bloody time.

And then I realised that I hadn't listened to that record for, like, years.

Which - by my own admission - is fucking shameful. I don't remember how, when or where I first heard it, but Relationship... is a definite entry on my list of all-time, must-have, listen-to-this-or-die-screaming-with-sharp-things-in-your-head totally fucking awesome records.

Now if I can only work out what the other records on that list are, I can start a big gay blog about that too.




Thursday 22 September 2011

The White Stripes

The seed for this week's greatest band in the world was sown a month or so ago, when I went to see Death Of Her Money at the Croft. One of the support acts was a charming local band called Winston Egbert, a boy/girl duo where the girl plays the drums and the boy plays guitar and wails; just like The White Stripes. Except that Winston Egbert play 80's thrash.

The White Stripes do not play 80's thrash. In fact, much of the time they play the kind of fun jangly guitar pop that I find quite forgettable. The rest of the time though, they are some sort of distilled garage rock superpower with everything stripped away to leave only an audacious blues swagger and a whole lotta soul.

Which I find far less forgettable.




Wednesday 14 September 2011

Manatees

Mostly I'm still moist with anticipation at the prospect of seeing the Melvins in November. But the all-Melvins-all-the-time playlist was interrupted the other day when I dug out the most recent effort by these Manatees fellows.

It comes with quite charming handmade packaging, was bundled in free with a Humanfly record I ordered, and is cumbersomely entitled We Are Going To Track Down And Kill Vintage Claytahh The Beard Burning Bastard.

It is of course very excellent indeed.

"The Pulp Cut" is a standout track. Which is odd, because it's not really representative of the rest of their output. The vocals are all by Eugene Robinson of Oxbow, for a start. It's one of those songs that manages to be heavy without being bowel-shatteringly loud.

Everything else by Manatees is, however, bowel-shatteringly loud.

It is of course very excellent indeed.

Wednesday 7 September 2011

Melvins

I made a very conscious decision to leave my mp3 player behind when I went on holiday. Partly because it's just another thing to lose/break/drop into my fruity cocktail; but mainly because if I had taken it with me I would have spent the entire time time listening to the Melvins, to the complete exclusion of all other activities. Including sleeping, eating and washing. And it would be shame to go all the way to the Greek Islands without trying out their leading brand of shower gel at least once.

A few days before I left, my good friend Smith gave me a heads up that they would be playing in my favourite shipwreck in November; I immediately squealed with delight, bought a pair of tickets and ordered two more records for good measure. Nine days later, and I am still giddy with anticipation. The next two months are going to be hard to get through.

Plenty of other people have tried before me to explain how fucking great this band is; and as much as I'm in favour of plagiarising the best bits and standing on the shoulders of giants, I fear that this will merely provide me with a better view when I too run out of superlatives. You'll just have to take my word for it that the Melvins are way better than your favourite band, and probably have twice as many drummers too.




Roxy Music

I've been on holiday, so I missed a week. To make up for such a shocking lapse there are, improbable and unfeasible as it may seem, two greatest bands in the world this week.

Roxy Music feature almost as a direct result of said holiday. I just seem to hear an awful lot of their music played in bars when I'm on holiday. The same is probably true of, say, Bon Jovi - but Roxy Music aren't utter shite.

I'm (mostly) far too young to been into them from the start, but as a sensitive and artistically inclined young boy I always quite liked their album art. Nowadays I'm more into the shimmery and ethereal quality of the music, and the ridiculous music videos in which an exceptionally sleazy Brian Ferry successfully makes Morrissey look manlier than Oliver Reed.

Classics.




Myspace: nope

Wednesday 24 August 2011

Sleigh Bells

I maintain a healthy amount of distrust of television advertising. Perhaps it's just a function of my inherent British cynicism, but I figure that if someone is trying to make me want to buy their product, then there must be be something wrong with it.

Of course this doesn't mean that advertising has no effect; merely that it has a different effect. I refuse to buy Haribo sweets until they make an advert that doesn't make me want to throw my beercan at the telly. And I'm fairly certain that the Compare The Market adverts have done more to increase the sales of meerkat-related junk than they have to promote use of their own service. Baby product adverts make me want to buy condoms. Bank adverts make me want to withdraw all my money and keep it in a sack under the bed. Aftershave adverts make me want to buy a cricket bat and some nails.

And this advert for some kind of appalling wanker phone made me buy Treats by Sleigh Bells. The bright flashing lights and spiralling images of internet connectivity didn't do much to set my consumer glands throbbing, but the thirty seconds of "Infinity Guitars" playing in the background sure did get my feets a tappin'.

Turns out that Sleigh Bells is mostly Derek E Miller, one time guitarist with Floridian screamo types Poison The Well. Which seems odd, as the experimental hardcore of his old outfit is about a million miles from the obnoxious noise-pop of his current day job. But what the hell do I know? I'm pretty sure that if they'd made a TV advert for the Sleigh Bells record, I'd loathe and despise it as much as everyone else seems to.

Also, I'd probably have a shiny new wanker phone.




Monday 15 August 2011

Hymns

I saw these guys earlier in the year, playing alongside Shapes. I get the impression that I should have given more of a shit about seeing them, as frontman Sam used to be in another band called Blakfish. They bashed out some kind of alt-math-pop reminiscent of early Biffy Clyro, before evaporating in a puff of apathy a year or so ago.

But I'd never really given Blakfish the time before; and now that I have, I'm still not that fussed. Instead, I gave a shit about seeing Hymns because they had great songs, that they played really well. They have less of a garagey sound than the average guitar/drums two-piece outfit; it's still got a delightfully lo-fi feel to it, but they don't feel the need to turn up the fuzz and the feedback to try to flesh out the sound.

The recently released five track DVD "Revelations" is limited to just 150 copies, comes in some natty packaging and is highly recommended.




Myspace: nope
Wikipedia: nope

Tuesday 9 August 2011

Kepone

I once read a review for these guys in some magazine, which said something along the lines of "Kepone's ascent to rock stardom is unlikely to be interrupted by bassist Michael Bishop winning Miss World."

Hardly a startling observation. But based on this entirely uninformative piece of music journalism, and the fact that two of my other favourite bands at the time had names beginning with the letter K (Kyuss and Karma To Burn, if you're wondering), I picked up a record.

I'm not too sure what I was expecting; probably something a bit sludgy or stoner, and almost certainly not the abrasive hick-punk that did spill out of my speakers. It was damn good though, and got even better when they meandered off into more improvised sounding jams.

They are now, of course, quite defunct. As far as I can tell, they were generally well regarded but not exactly commercially successful. Despite Michael Bishop never winning Miss World.




Website: nope
Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/keponetribute (tribute page)

Monday 1 August 2011

Necro Deathmort

Ye gods, this is some dark shit right here.

Kind of droning doom fused with a bit of dubstep. Or dubstep fused with a bit of droning doom. Either way I refuse to coin the term doomstep. Because it's stupid.

The Pixie describes dubstep as sounding like giant robots having sex under water.

Necro Deathmort sound like that, except that it's happening at the bottom of the Mariana Trench, and the oceans are made of tar, and a planet is crashing into them in slow motion, and the planet is on fire.




Website: nope
Wikipedia: nope

Friday 22 July 2011

Nadja

Like most people, I frequently experience the nagging sensation that I am forgetting something important. And, like most people, this is because I am confused and neurotic.

Usually.

For the last three years, however, this nagging sensation may have been because I genuinely had forgotten something important. I had forgotten to buy everything ever released by Nadja ever.

I remember hearing the track Sandskin; and then I went to see them play at The Croft in November of '08; and then I swore that I would buy everything ever released by Nadja ever; and then I forgot all about it, until my iPod shuffled Sandskin back up to the top a week or so ago.

Having failed to buy, or indeed listen, to anything other than that one track up until this point in my life so far, I can't really claim to be any sort of authority on what this mostly Canadian duo really sound like; but from what I recall/have been able to plagiarise from other reviews, words like doom,ambient, experimental, drone, and bowel-shattering soundquake should probably feature quite prominently.


Tuesday 19 July 2011

Hey Colossus

I went to see these guys last week. I had tried to see them almost two years previously, playing alongside Part Chimp and local chaps Tractor. A number of unfortunate scheduling issues meant that I only got to see the last thirty seconds of their set; it sounded like this.

DUUURRRRR we're hey colossusRRRRRRRR thanks chimp RRRRR thanks tractor RRRRRRRRRNK -CLUNK- --sqeak--

Which was a bit disappointing, really; and didn't give much of an idea as to what they really sound like beyond an ominous droning dirge. Their recorded output at the time included a really quite splendid ominous droning dirge stoner-doom effort, and one record of ominous droning dirge so badly produced that it bordered on unlistenable.

Well as it turns out, Hey Colossus seem to rock a kind of sprawling wall-of-noise tinnitus-inducing ominous droning dirge.

Excellent.




Wikipedia: nope

Monday 11 July 2011

Pet Genius

Me: I bought a Pet Genius record today.

The Pixie: Who?

Me: Pet Genius. It's some sort of hokey side-project with one of the guys from Cave In. It all sounds like breezy summery twee indie folk pop, but with this really thundering fuzzy bass. It's cool.

The Pixie: Breezy summery twee indie folk pop?

Me: Yup.

The Pixie: The same kind of breezy summery twee indie folk pop that you hate?

Me: Exactly.




Website: nope
Wikipedia: nope

Monday 4 July 2011

Norma Jean

It's taken me quite a while to get around to giving this lot a proper listen. I've had a few tracks lurking about in the murky depths of my iPod for some time now, but only recently picked up the snappily titled Birds and Microscopes and Bottles of Elixirs and Raw Steak and a Bunch of Songs, a compilation of their first three records.

Which is pretty fucking super, as it happens.

All the usual hardcore elements are present and correct; the chugging guitars, pummelling drums, harsh vocals and more than a few punishing beatdowns. But that's about as close as Norma Jean get to the tedious hardcore-by-numbers pedalled by so many other chest-beating drop-D thug charlatans with wicked sick myspace pages. They're unafraid of straying from traditional templates and formulae, allowing songs to unfurl and grow in an almost organic fashion. A few tracks even exceed the ten minute mark.

Okay, so they're still not what you'd call prog-hardcore titans (possibly because you wouldn't be so pretentious as to even think of calling anyone prog-hardcore titans), and Every Time I Die are still the undisputed kings of hardcore; but it's nice to hear someone doing something a bit different for a change.




Sunday 26 June 2011

A Place To Bury Strangers

Some bunch of cool bastards that play wall-of-noise-rock that sounds a bit like Joy Division playing My Bloody Valentine covers.

In photos, they appear moody and arty in equal measure.

That's really all I know.




Friday 17 June 2011

Die! Die! Die!

From New Zealand, apparently.

I picked up the second of their three records a week or so ago; and whilst I haven't exactly been wearing it out with repeated spins, it has still been a fairly regular feature. There's something about their scuzzy lo-fi shoe-gazey Joy Division-esque indie punk racket that sticks to my brain like a boiled sweet to an ironic cardigan.




Myspace:

Thursday 9 June 2011

Interpol

I think I got into Interpol five or so years ago, when I decided to make a concerted effort to listen to something other than howling guitar fury and pounding pounding techno music. It wasn't a completely arbitrary choice; I'd heard one of the songs from their debut record at some point and quite liked it, and figured that there was a fair chance of the rest of the record being quite good too.

Which it was. And indeed, still is.

That said, I still find it hard to put my finger on exactly what it is about Interpol's bleak angular gloom punk indie that appeals to me so. Probably the bleak angular gloom punk indieness of it all. Despite the eminent brilliance of the three albums that preceded it, it took me the best part of a year to get around to checking out their latest eponymous effort; but I'm now making up for lost time and playing it to pieces. Nice.





Thursday 2 June 2011

Humanfly

These guys were first support for earthtone9 last fortnight. It was the first I'd ever heard of them, but they were good enough that I bought their new record (Darker Later) and then played it more or less non-stop for a week.

It kicks arse.

And I don't know a single other thing about them.

If you like your grind with a thick doomy crust, then you should definitely check these jerks out.




Wikipedia: nope

Wednesday 25 May 2011

earthtone9

These splendid chaps surfaced around 1998ish, determined to provide a genuine alternative to the generic and derivative nu-metal shite that somehow kept floating over the Atlantic. The antagonistic, almost combative nature of their approach naturally led to a certain amount of tension in the band; and so in 2002 they dissolved in a mire of frustration and defeat, leaving behind three critically acclaimed LPs and a small but devoted following.

Which was all rather sad, really. But guess what? It's now 2011, no-one remembers who Coal Chamber were, and earthtone9 are back from the dead.

Which is all rather spiffing, really. I got to see them play last week, and they were fucking superb. They've recorded a few new songs and put them out as an EP - hopefully there'll be a new full-length to follow soon. And they've even made their best-of record Inside Embers Glow... available as a free download from their website. Click here for an earful of thinking-man's metal.




Tuesday 24 May 2011

Chronicles of Adam West

Actually, this was the greatest band in the world last week. For a variety of reasons, life outside of the interwebs has been somewhat shambolic, frantic and prone to exploding a bit of late.

Hence Chronicles of Adam West, who were shambolic, frantic and prone to exploding a bit - right up until the point that they exploded a bit. As far as I can tell they only recorded one short EP before calling it quits for reasons that I can't be bothered to research. The bio on their myspace page reads simply "WE'RE DEAD".

Just for your information, the following live performance is almost exactly how they sound on record. Which probably goes some way to explaining way the cast of Glee haven't quite around to raping it yet.


Website: nope
Wikipedia: nope

Monday 9 May 2011

And So I Watch You From Afar

It was inevitable that I would repeat myself on here at some point; and perhaps just as inevitable that this would be the band that caused that repetition. This week, the greatest band in the world ever is And So I Watch You From Afar.

Again.

I went to see them at Bristol's Cooler last week. The band were epic, the crowd rapturous and the entire experience utterly life-affirming; despite my getting kicked in face so hard by a crowd surfer that I couldn't eat properly for two days.

A somewhat pretentious band name and an absence of vocals naturally leads to accusations of post-rockness; and certainly in the early days there was more than a whiff of Pelicanesque riff-heavy soundscapes mixed in with more intricate Red Sparowesey guitar twinkling. But the tedious predictability of the quiet-loud post-rock-by-numbers template (I'm looking at you, Explosions In The Sky) just isn't consistent with ASIWYFA's output. They don't feel the need to dick about slowly building up to an epic sweeping crescendo; instead they go straight to epic, and then build that up into supreme Godzilla-sized epicness. And as they continue to grow and develop their sound, they become ever harder to define.

So I'm going to give up trying.

Go watch them live instead. It's the only way you'll understand.




Website: nope

Tuesday 3 May 2011

erwtenpeller

For years I had the faintly uneasy sense that something was wrong, missing, that my life was somehow devoid of something. Naturally I assumed it was my soul.

But then my friend Rich turned me onto this version of Jeff Wayne's musical based on H. G. Wells' War of the Worlds, reinterpreted through the medium of dubstep.

Earth. Belonged. To the Martians.

No video for this, but you can listen to it here; and by following the instructions you can download the whole damn thing for free here.

Nice.

Wikipedia: nope